Adventures in Driving Just a Phase

by Brice Carroll

Although I have limb-girdle muscular dystrophy, Ive spent many hours behind the wheel of an automobile. My driving history has had four phases:

Phase I Before MD affected my driving ability and I could walk without assistance

Phase II When I could barely walk using a hiking stick but was able to drive using foot pedals

Phase III When I was in a wheelchair and drove a van with hand controls

Phase IV When I could no longer drive safely but became an excellent backseat driver

My wife, Sharon, says I have gone through numerous other phases not related to driving, and shes still waiting for me to enter an adult phase. When she says that, it makes me so mad I hold my breath and pout until she apologizes. Why cant she be more mature?

The only accident I had during Phase I wasnt really my fault. I came over an icy hill on an unsanded road, and there was a line of cars that had run into each other, all the way to the bottom of the hill. Even so, I felt bad about colliding with the car in front of me. It made me feel a little less guilty when a policeman ran into the back of my car, and three more cars stacked up behind him.

I had one minor fender bender during Phase II. I backed into a car in a parking garage. I cant claim that it wasnt my fault. So all I can do is point to extenuating circumstances. (Look at that! Two big words in a row. Dont tell me Im not in a mature adult phase.)

After work, I was riding in a crowded elevator to the garage floor where I was parked, when my boss standing beside me accidentally hit the back of my knee with his briefcase. This caused my knee to unlock and I fell into a group of women. My boss and another man helped me to my feet.

The women seemed to think I did it on purpose. Two were outraged, one appeared just stunned and the prettiest one slipped me a piece of paper with her name and phone number on it. (OK, I was just fantasizing about the piece of paper.)

I walked out of the elevator, got into my vehicle and promptly backed into a parked car. I was either still shaken up over the elevator incident or still fantasizing. Maybe both. I definitely wasnt concentrating on my driving.

During Phase III, I had no accidents. Well, none that caused property damage. Significant damage, anyway.

The closest I came was when a car suddenly turned in front of me, but I had plenty of time to stop. My wife wasnt convinced. She kept saying, "Were going to hit! Were going to hit!"

I calmly replied, "Ive got plenty of time. Dont worry about it. No prob...."

BAM!!

"Well maybe it was a little close."

At least neither vehicle was damaged. I swear that dent in our bumper was already there.

I entered Phase IV, my backseat driving phase, after two close calls on the same day. Each time, a car started to turn onto the road directly in front of us. Fortunately, they stopped at the last minute. It was fortunate because my evasive driving techniques seemed to evade me. My reaction time was way too slow.

My wife didnt even notice. I still dont know what she was screaming about.

Phase IV was initially very stressful for both Sharon and me. Her driving scared me to death, and she suggested that maybe I was being a tiny bit too helpful with my backseat driving. It relieved a lot of stress when I began sitting in the van with my wheelchair facing backwards.

It was my idea, not hers. It was! IT WAS SO!

 

Brice Carroll, a retired accountant, lives in Hot Springs, Ark.